I am a counselor. I asked my group to answer this question: What do you say or believe you can’t do, but in reality, you won’t, for whatever reason. I was amazed at their insightful and thought provoking answers.
-I can’t forgive my sister.
-I can’t trust anyone.
-I can’t change my relationship.
-I can’t stop judging other people.
We discussed how they can do all of the above and it was really rather simple but not easy.
I then talked about how I find myself judging others again and again.
Since then, I have been trying to figure out why I judge others. What is my pay off? People only do what provides some sort of pay off. I can usually readily spot the pay off. Do I judge others because I want them to do things the way I think they should? Number one irrational belief: Expecting others to do what you think they should. Yes, I do want others to do as I wish they would. I wish some of my co-workers would do things with their clients that I want them to. I see the clients not doing well and I want the clients to do well. Am I so noble and selfless that my concern for the clients is behind this? Or am I judging the work of my fellow clinicians? Cold hard truth, I am. Maybe if I just admit that, I will let it go.
Don’t I have an ethical responsibility to care about the outcome of the clients you ask? Yes, I do. Does thinking someone else is not doing a good job with them really an issue? Maybe those clients just “look like” they aren’t doing well. See how convoluted it gets? It goes round and round….
I want to be tolerant and more Zen. I want to realize what I can change and what I can’t. I want to do things based on a noble agenda. I want to be more outside me and my selfish desires. It’s not all about me, that is the answer. Counselors are going to do things by interjecting their own beliefs and experiences and not based on what works well. Counselors are going to try to resolve their own issues via their clients. Counselors are going to continue doing the same thing again and again even though it doesn’t work. Some doctors are going to treat younger people with more interest and even care than the elderly. Judges are going to give their friends a break in the court room. Mechanics are going to try to take advantage of women. All of these things, that irk the hell out of me, are going to happen. I can only do what I think it right and honorable, in my mind. I have to let all the rest happen. Do I really have a choice? After all, they probably think the same about me.
