Analysis - Part 3 I Have Hole in My Sidewalk

This will follow the same format as Part 2. 

Chapter 3
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in... it's a habit. 
But, my eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.


Person: In chapter 3 we finally realize that we're part of the problem and take responsibility for our situation, "It's my fault" and "I get out immediately." We realize that we did something, or failed to do something, which has caused us to land in the same hole again. We recognize the pattern and begin to ask questions such as, "What am I thinking and doing that is causing me to land in this hole again?" Instead of looking for ways to change others we begin to look for ways to change ourselves. We finally accept personal responsiblity for landing in the hole!

Tim: Chapter 3 illustrates the realization that what we have been doing is not working, to put it simply. I teach REBT and continually measure efficacy with the client. Are things changing for the better? Is the person feeling better, the same or worse?  Is the person willing to change irrational thinking that leads to falling in the hole? Or is the person getting some kind of payoff for dysfunctional behavior, which happens often. With those people I try to help them work toward the realization that even though they resist changing current non helpful  beliefs, it is possible to have a better life. And that it is okay to choose to do whatever they wish but distress will come from irrational beliefs (beliefs that do not make life better). However, if they choose those beliefs they can probably easily see the distress being caused by that. My mantra is:  Don't look at what people say, look at how they are doing. 

Chapter 4

I walk down the same street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I walk around it. 

Person: In chapter 4 we begin to change our thinking and behavior and soon we're having new and different experiences. You have gained a bigger perspective and a deeper understanding of yourself. 

Tim:  We realize that we can actually have a better life. We can feel better mentally which causes us to feel better physically. People start treating us differently, in a better and healthy way. We start to see what our past behavior was about and are willing to let go of it. It's a great responsibility to grow up and take care of ourselves. It  is the only way we can be free enough to experience joy. What's the saying, if you keep doing what you are doing, you will get what you've always got? In chapter 4 we haven't gotten away from our dysfunctional behavior (the hole). But we see it and avoid it best we can. We are learning skills needed to avoid it. 

Chapter 5

I walk down another street.

Person: In chapter 5, we have grown and matured, we've moved on.  We're walking down new and more interesting streets....!

Tim: Chapter 5 illustrates a new and healthier way of thinking that leads to new and interesting pursuits in life. The revolving door of emotions stops and we start to feel good a lot of the time, to our own surprise. People find us more interesting. Opportunities seem to appear for us. It's because we open ourselves to such things now. It's all about what we tell ourselves and it's all about what we concentrate on.  We will be what we think we will be and we will go where we think we are going to go. Happiness is an option. So is angst and depression. Which will you choose?

I realize that so many live in misery and don't intend for that to happen. They don't know a different way. They may also have well meaning friends and  professionals supporting irrational thinking.  What I would ask of those people is to examine what is happening in your life. How do you feel emotionally?  How much hope and optimism do you have?  Do you feel joy?  If not, perhaps some honest self examination and a change in thinking is in order?  It's up to you however.

 

Your rational nemesis, Tim